One morning my wife and daughter were heading out for some “girl-time.” Naturally, my 4 year-old son and I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to have some “guy-time.” He and I made plans to go to Dunkin Donuts and then to the park. As I was getting ready, my son looked at me and said, “Make my hair look like yours, Daddy.” So, I obliged. A few minutes later he left the room and came back wearing the same type of pants, shirt, shoes, and jacket that I had on. It was like looking into a mirror at a “mini-me”! My son smiled and said excitedly, “Look dad, we match!” We both grinned and gave each other a high-five. It was a cool moment.
As we were leaving the house I began thinking about the song, “Watching You”, by Rodney Atkins.
“He said, “I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?
I want to do everything you do. So I’ve been watching you.”
I really like that song. However, on some levels it’s disturbing, because it reminds me of the huge responsibility I have as a father. My son is young and impressionable. Anything I do, he wants to do, too. He takes great pride in imitating his dad. That’s scary because I do a lot of dumb things. That brings me to another line in the song that I often think of, “Lord, please help me help my stupid self.” I know it may sound funny, but a lot of my prayers consist of a similar phrase, “God, please don’t let me do anything stupid today.”
Children constantly imitate their parents. My son does it all the time. If I clear my throat, he clears his throat; if I burp, he burps; if I play my guitar, he plays his guitar; you get the idea. He repeatedly tells me, “Dad, when I grow up I want to be just like you.” This creates a great paradox within me. On the one hand it makes me feel really good; but on the other hand it places a huge burden on me. I have to watch everything I say and do in order to be the best example for him that I can be. Quite honestly, I don’t always set the best example.
As a matter of fact, sometimes I do the opposite. For instance, the other night my son and I were driving home from dinner. The song “Gunpowder and Lead”, by Miranda Lambert, shuffled through my iPod. I had it turned up really loud, singing along, and admiring the awesome guitar work. When we arrived at home, my 4 year-old son walked in the door, singing the chorus, “I’m going home and load my shotgun… he wants a fight and now he’s got one…” His mom looked at me and said, “Way to set a good example, Dad.” It crushed me, but I knew she was right.
One of the verses in the New Testament that challenges me greatly on this idea is Ephesians 5:1, “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children.” The writer framed the idea of imitating God in the context of children because they are very impressionable and constantly mirror what others do. Lately, I’ve been asking myself the question, “Do I imitate God?” Unfortunately, sometimes the answer is, “No.”
There are vast differences between God and me. He loves everyone, no exceptions. Sometimes I judge people and place myself above them. God is generous and gives to all far beyond what they need or deserve. At times I am greedy and don’t fully trust that God will supply all of my needs. God is Holy and never has an impure or ugly thought. My thoughts can be perverted, dark, and ungodly. God perseveres and never gives up; in fact He defies the odds. I often find myself ready to throw in the towel when something seems like too much work. When it comes to consistently reflecting God, I have a long way to go.
Each night before bedtime my wife and I pray with our children. One of the things I pray regularly is, “Lord, please help our kids to have a heart like yours and a strong desire to be just like you.” It hit me the other day, that in order for my children to have a heart for God and want to be like Him, I have to want those things, too. It starts with me imitating God, then there’s a chain reaction: I imitate God, my children imitate me, therefore my children imitate God. I’m the link. I’m the example. Since I am called to be the spiritual leader of my family, the responsibility ultimately falls on me to model this principle.
So, I ask: Who do you imitate? Who is imitating you? What kind of example are you setting for your children, or others for that matter? Do you realize the lasting impression you leave with all the things you say and do? The words of Rodney Atkins ring true for all of us:
“He said, “I’ve been watching you, dad ain’t that cool?
I’m your buckaroo, I wanna be like you.
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are.
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah, we’re just alike, hey, ain’t we dad?
I want to do everything you do. So I’ve been watching you.”
Interesting observation Danny; at my house we all strived to be like my parents but different.
My Dad was an All-American Football player at Hobart Collage and a highly decorated marine in Korea, he was also an orphan and Mom was a an Emma Willard graduate (Private school) and she came from a wealthy family. Mom Attended Collage for Fine Art’s at Syracuse Both were on there own growing up no real parental example of love in the traditional sense! They were loved and love each other and us too but not in the traditional sense! I still shake hands with my dad and have since I can remember. Tough love was the rule not the exception.
I have a brother and sister we all do something in the arts and I was in the Navy before collage, I have an Art degree and my brother is an Architect form Syracuse and his son is a Marine, My sister is a Writer so we have all followed in there foot steps.
The weird thing is I guess we all learned to love like them one of the reasons’s for the divorces in all three cases were emotional disconnect. It’s not that we don’t love we just aren’t all emotional about it we are not all hugs and kisses. Our kids are still to young to tell how they will be affected only two have been married but one divorced one still married my son is married and trying to do right! We talk about where we fell short that’s the advantage they have we know where are shortcomings are so I hope it will help him over come. We know we are loved but the spouses have traditional love so they don’t understand.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is there is no substitute for love, give and give some more! Don’t be afraid to talk to your kids about everything no matter how uncomfortable it might be. You can’t fix it if you don’t admit it! And if you aren’t sure ask! You can never have to much information about love and understanding! It is a tough row to hoe no mater how you go. God is key; I believe if I had God in my life earlier, I could have saved my marriage. I know it helps with my son who helped me find Jesus so let your kids love you too!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009 – 09:45 AM
Wow Danny! Awesome insight. It’s stuff I know, but forget!
Thursday, January 8, 2009 – 11:04 AM
At least he’s not going to be singing Cat’s in the Cradle to himself when he thinks of you!
Saturday, January 17, 2009 – 07:26 PM
Its 10:17 pm and I now have that song stuck in my head. Thanks. Great message, buckaroo.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008 – 10:19 PM
Great thoughts Danny! Great reminder for me with my two little Buckaroos. Hope you guys have a great Christmas!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008 – 10:46 PM
So true! Just wait until they’re teenagers and they act just like you and think you’re an idiot! There’s a couple of quotes that came to mind as I was reading your blog:
“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. ”
James A. Baldwin
and
“Facing a mirror you see merely your own countenance; facing your child you finally understand how everyone else has seen you.”
Daniel Raeburn
It is a HUGE responsibility and our Father gives us all kinds of examples of how to be a great parent.
Thanks for the reminder Danny. By the way, I think you and Karri are great parents.
Thursday, December 18, 2008 – 06:39 AM
i had a cool technology thought about your blog. what if each of your posts had the song you refer to embedded on the page? it would play while we read the post. then the song would get stuck in all of our heads, and i would get a country music education along the way.
i’m not sure how you would do it, but i would start by seeing if you could link a myspace track on a blog like you can with youtube.
Thursday, December 18, 2008 – 09:50 AM
Hey there my Brother, So hard to imagine that we are becoming the mentor that we grew-up with, be it a father, step father or friend. And to think we had Barry as that person for a short period in our lives. It’s a wonder we can think at all. My best to you and Kerri. Love you man. I know God will bestow on your family all the blessings life has to offer. And don’t worry about Luke -he will turn out just fine. After all look at his old man.
Merry Christmas, Rick and Malise
Thursday, December 18, 2008 – 02:16 PM
Great points to think about! As you know, I love that song and am so glad you could use it for a great blog!
Thursday, December 18, 2008 – 06:57 PM
Danny,
This made me think of the old Harry Chapin song. What was it…? ” Cats in the cradle and silver spoons” or something like that. I have no son and our daughter is grown. Our grandson Dylan has only a part time dad and ME as far as father figures. Thanks for this message, or maybe I should call it a reminder.
Mark S.
Friday, December 19, 2008 – 09:18 PM
Ouch! Thanks for stepping on my toes – really. Somteims I get so caught up in “parenting” that I forget how I look to God as a parent. I want to share the GOOD stuff with my kids and that means working on my relationship with God FIRST!! Keep on sharing!!
Monday, December 22, 2008 – 03:26 PM
Hey Danny, thanks for the blog. That was great, that is my favorite song, I have had that song as my ringtone since Danielle and I found out we were having a boy. I pray that same prayer every night. Everytime I see Little Jon I think of that song and hope that he will want to be like me when he grows up. Of course Danielle says I cant teach him to use any tools. You are a greaet father and you have been a great mentor to me both at home and here in Japan. Thanks for all the great blogs and help you have given.
Saturday, December 27, 2008 – 08:44 AM