It was Thursday, November 17, 1994. I placed the phone call to my future father-in-law and asked if I could come over and speak with him. Every nerve in my body was on fire when he answered the phone.
“Hello?”
I replied, “Hey, this is Danny. Are you going to be home this evening?”
“Yep.” He said.
I responded, “I’ve got something I would like to speak with you about. Can I come over?”
“Come on. I’ll be here.” He answered.
He had no idea why I was on my way to see him. My heart raced every second of the 30 minute drive to his house. This was by far the hardest thing I had ever done in my entire life.
I pulled into the driveway cautiously. He came to the door to greet me. I entered the house, sat down, and got straight to the point. “I love your daughter and I would like to ask your permission to have her hand in marriage.”
He looked at me very calmly and said, “Does Karri know about this?”
I said, “We’ve been talking about getting married and she knows that I will be asking for your permission before we make any further plans.”
He said, “Are you sure you’re reading her right? If Karri wanted to get married, it seems like she would have said something to her mother and me about it.”
I said, “Yes sir, I’m sure. We’ve been talking about it for a while and she definitely wants to get married.”
The next two hours felt like the Spanish Inquisition. I was so intimidated. After a couple of hours of difficult conversation he said, “If Karri wants this, then the two of you have my blessing. But understand this, son, if you ever mistreat her in any way, you’d better give your soul to Jesus because your butt belongs to me!” (slightly edited version) I’ll never forget that.
As I was leaving he said something else to me that I’ll never forget, “That’s my baby girl. She’s extremely special. One day you’ll have one of your own and you’ll understand.”
Fast forward to August 22, 2001. After 36 hours of exhausting labor my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Holding her in my arms for the first time was amazing! At that moment I remembered the prophetic words of my father-in-law. “That’s my baby girl. She’s extremely special. One day you’ll have one of your own and you’ll understand.”
The depth of that statement sets in with each passing year of my daughter’s life.
Chuck Wicks sings a song called, “Stealing Cinderella.” It paints a beautiful picture.
“I came to see her daddy for sit down man to man. It wasn’t any secret I’d be asking for her hand. I guess that’s why he left me waiting In the living room by myself with at least a dozen pictures of her sitting on a shelf. She was playing Cinderella. She was riding her first bike. Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight. Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin. Dancing with her dad, looking up at him. In her eyes I’m Prince Charming. But to him I’m just some fella, Riding in and stealing Cinderella.”
Having children of my own has given me a completely different outlook on life. Raising a daughter has taken it one step further. The title of Chuck Wick’s song, “Stealing Cinderella” really hits home to me. My little girl loves Cinderella and all other princess stories. Her room is decorated in the princess motif. Even her trick-or-treat costume is a princess outfit. The thought of some young man sweeping my little Cinderella away makes me want to grab my shotgun!
We have a rule in our home. My little girl can’t date until she’s 30. Actually, that’s my rule, her mom just laughs when I say that. Thankfully, we have a few years before we have to worry about letting her date. However, there are some other things we have to worry about before she turns 30… like letting go.
Letting go is a phrase that scares me. While raising my children, I have to learn how to do it, little by little. When my daughter was one year-old, I had to let go so she could learn how to walk. Last year she had her first sleep-over at a friend’s house; I had to let go. This year I had to let go as she learned how to ride a bicycle.
I was having lunch with a friend the other day and I shared with him the story of teaching my daughter how to ride her bike. I told my friend how difficult it was for me to let go. “I was so afraid that she would crash!”, I said.
He smiled and replied, “You think that’s hard? Last week my 16 year-old daughter got her driver’s license. I handed her the keys to the car so that she could drive to school. Watching her pull out of the driveway and head down the road alone was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life!”
At each stage of parenting letting go gets harder and harder. I thank God that I don’t have to do it all at once. He prepares me, little by little. As a parent, I also have to be okay with letting my children fall sometimes. As much as it hurts them and me, it’s part of the learning process.
As my little girl was learning how to ride her bike, I told her, “You’re going to fall. It’s inevitable. The trick is learning how to fall and then having the courage to get back up and ride again.”
Raising children is all about letting go. It’s difficult, but necessary. If I held on forever, I would stifle their development. My goal as a parent is to train my kids to leave; and not just to leave, but to leave well. One day my little Cinderella will leave the castle. And when she does, her mom and I will ask lots of questions: “Did we do a good enough job?” “Is she ready?” “Can she handle it on her own?” “Does she know that you can’t wash red socks with a white shirt?” (I’m 37 and still struggle with that one. Sorry, Karri!)
As for now, I’m going to enjoy every moment of my kid’s lives. I’m going to hold on tight when I can and let go when I have to. I have a lot to learn about parenting. I pray that God will help me to make wise decisions when it comes to raising my children and knowing when it’s time to let go.
How about you? If you have kids, are you holding on too tightly? Do you know when it’s time to let go? Do you appreciate each moment you have with your children? They will be gone before you know it!
“She was playing Cinderella. She was riding her first bike. Bouncing on the bed and looking for a pillow fight. Running through the sprinkler with a big popsicle grin. Dancing with her dad, looking up at him. In her eyes I’m Prince Charming. But to him I’m just some fella, Riding in and stealing Cinderella.”
I feel you bro. My Kourtnie is 13 and will be 14 in January, and I tell her all the time that she can’t start dating until she’s 30. I can’t believe that’s she’s a teen now. Last Friday she went to her first home coming football game, the other day she was texting me, and next year she will be in high school. But it seems like it was yesterday she was only 2 days old being held in my arms. Litterally, she stayed in my arms for hours, until both of us fell to sleep. I couldn’t put her down for nothing. I couldn’t let go, I can’t let go, and don’t think I will be able to ever to let go. I’m excited because I will get see my Kourtnie when I go back home in 2 days. Thanks Danny, this was right on time.
Thursday, October 9, 2008 – 01:13 AM
Little Jon is going to be 6 months old! Can you believe it? It seems like yesterday I was in agony asking you to pray that God would take the pain of child birth away. Time flies. Last week I was packing up some of his old newborn onsies and thinking how sad it would be to never see him wear them again. I can’t imagine what it will be like packing up stuff for him to move out of the house one day. Sometimes I want God to slow down time. I love him more with each passing minute and even at these early stages I find it hard to let go.
Thursday, October 9, 2008 – 05:03 AM
My parents always told me that time flies. Most of the time, I’d roll my eyes and think, “Well, that’s just because you’re old.” But now, watching my little blonde-haired, blue-eyed monster turn from a baby to a boy makes me realize that time does fly. I think we all need to cherish every moment we have with our children. Instead of crying or screaming when CJ painted me a picture (actually, he wrote my “name”) on the bathroom floor, I scooped him in my arms and told him how beautiful it was and how much I love him. Then, we washed the floor together.
Right now, when I ask CJ who he is going to marry, he says, “Mommy”. When I tell him Mommy is already married to Daddy, he yells, “MOMMY IS NOT MARRIED TO DADDY! MOMMY IS MARRIED TO BUBBA!” I hate to even admit it, but I love it when he says that. I am the woman of his life. I dread the day that another woman takes away my title! I know that she will and when that day comes, I will have to step back and ask myself those same questions:
Did I do a good job? Did he know every single day, without a shadow of a doubt, how much we love him? Did I teach him to fall gracefully and get up and get right back in the game? Did I prepare him to LEAVE?
Good thoughts, Danny. 🙂
Thursday, October 9, 2008 – 08:36 AM
Maybe it’s pregnancy hormones, but this whole blog made me cry! It really hit me hard because of MY little girl, Ilana… This year she started preschool (just a two day a week class for two year olds) and I cried all the way home!
It’s SO hard to let go and let them grow up, especially when I want her to be my baby forever! I seriously dread the day of some man coming to steal our Cinderella away from us… Heck, here I am, preparing for her second birthday party soon, and I can barely deal with that! How will I deal with her getting married?!
But you’re right, we just need to enjoy and appreciate each moment of everyday that we get to have with them, because they really will be gone before you know it!!
Thursday, October 9, 2008 – 09:54 AM
Awesome Danny! I just hope I can be as intimidating as your father-in-law if I ever come to that conversation. I think the hardest thing for me was letting go when they were rolling my son away for surgery last year. It was fairly minor surgery, but letting him go into a deeper level of uncertainty than I might could control was really tough for me. It introduced me to my limitations as an earthly father. I guess part of our job as parents is also to teach them about our limitations and prepare them to trust and grab onto an unlimited and all-sufficient heavenly father.
Thursday, October 9, 2008 – 10:24 AM
I don’t know what the heck you are talking about! I can’t wait to get my two princesses out of the house! : ) Just kidding.
I can’t believe Kayla is 12 – and I am about to lose her to her ipod touch.
Amelia is 5 and in school now, and 2nd grade boys are chasing her!
God is good though, and they are still my baby girls! I can only keep praying daily for His hand in thier lives and know He will hold them tight.
Keep sending me these links please!
Thursday, October 9, 2008 – 12:28 PM
Yep. Jenna’s 17 (almost 18 she reminds me way too often) and Amber is 14. Jenna started college and Amber high school this fall. This past weekend, after Jenna got off work, she picked up Amber at the house and then drove to New Bern Airport to pick up my niece. How did any of them get old enough to do all these things on their own? We had a wonderful weekend at the beach together with lots of family. Then, on Monday I watched as Jenna and Amber packed their bags, loaded the car and drove home…without me or their dad. It’s crazy. It’s wonderful. It’s frightening. It’s faith in action. Cherish every moment.
Thursday, October 9, 2008 – 04:51 PM
That song is my daddy’s ringtone 🙂 As a daddy’s girl, the first 5 times I heard that song I bawled the entire thing! From the daughter’s point of veiw, I reassure mom & dad all the time that they are doing and have done a great job of parenting me and my sister. And believe me, as a kid & daughter there are ALOT of hard times in our first 18 years.. More than alot of parents imagine. You may run into some times where you feel like you have a stranger living in your own house. We will give short, brief, cut-off answers, smart mouth, back talk, and even sometimes.. (just sometimes), be a little rude & cruel. There are going to be times when you feel like Haley absolutely hates you & she might even voice that. But just know, and telling you this from experience, normally after I yell or do one of the rude things above (not that I would do any of those things) and everything has calmed down.. I sit and think about what had happened and what was said; and 9 out of 10 times I realize that they actually had a reason for their actions & usually its a good one. Simply that they just love & care for me so much. The love between a daddy & daughter never fades no matter how mad and upset we get with you. There is ALWAYS a special place in a girls heart for her daddy. So don’t fear, I promise a good guy like you won’t fail your daughter in any ways
-Jenna 🙂
Thursday, October 9, 2008 – 10:43 PM
What a great song and what great thoughts Danny. And no Amanda, it’s not just pregnancy hormones. I cried through the whole thing too! It’s so hard to believe that Nathaniel started kindergarten this year. The first days, when I could still walk him to his classroom were not that hard for me. The first day I had to drop him off at the “carpool entrance” in the back of the school and he had to walk to class by himself was so hard. As I watched him put on his backpack that was almost as big as he is and head in through those doors he looked both so old and so young all at the same time. It was like it hit me that he’s not really just “ours” anymore. He’s out in the world now and from now on, that “world” will play a bigger and bigger role in his life. We can only pray that we’ve given him a good foundation so far and that God will continue to guide us as parents so we can help guide him through the world.
Monday, October 13, 2008 – 12:22 PM
When you have a son, you worry about one boy. When you have a daughter, you worry about every boy in the world.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008 – 07:40 AM
As it seems a lot lately, I am a day late and a dollar short reading this. Sorry, Danny! Ok, as I am looking for tissues and the tears are running down my face, I wonder how amazing it is that we ALL feel this way. It’s so neat to read everyone’s responses. Jenna, why did you have to say it and REALLY make us cry?? 🙂
My Callie is 10 now and in the 5th grade. My how time flies! She will be in middle school next year and I am worrying about her already. I just pray that she remembers and applies some of the things she knows to be the right things. God will have to be her guilde and I’ll have to be on my knees a lot! As for my little 2 1/2 year old prince and princess…….wow…..it seems like God has given me another chance to do things better or differently in some cases. Being an “older mom” has helped me to be less stressed in raising these two but knowing that one day they too will be gone is indescribably hard to fathom.I always heard that having a boy would be different but I had no idea. He is my little man and such a mommy’s boy. I think I will have more trouble letting another woman take my place than letting my daughters go……..maybe not…..we’ll see…..anyway, thank you once again Danny for speaking about an awesome subject that we can never ponder on enough……
Wednesday, October 22, 2008 – 09:37 PM